The Mechanics of Forgiveness | Part II

Sin

Sin is a debt, a burden, a thief, a sickness, a leprosy, a plague, a poison, a serpent, a sting.  Everything that man hates, sin is.  A load of curses and calamities beneath whose crushing intolerable pressure, the whole creation groans.  Who is the undertaker that digs man a grave?  Who is the painted temptress that steals his virtue?  Who is the murderess that destroys his life?  Who is the sorceress that first deceives and then damns his soul?  Sin.  Who with icy breath blights the fair blossoms of youth?  Who breaks the hearts of parents?  Who brings old men gray hairs with sorrow to the grave?  Sin.  Who changes gentle children into vipers, tender mothers into monsters, and their fathers into worse than Herods, the murderers of their own innocence?  Sin.  Who casts the apple of discord on household hearts?  Who lights the torch of war and bears it blazing over trembling lands?  Who by division in the church rends Christ’s seamless robe?  Sin.  Who is this Delilah that sings the Nazarite asleep and delivers up the strength of God into the hands of the uncircumcised?  Who, winning smile on her face, honeyed flattery on her tongue, stands in the door to offer the sacred rites of hospitality, and when suspicion sleeps, treacherously pierces our temples with a nail?  What fair siren is this who seated on a rock by the deadly pool smiles to deceive, sings to lure, kisses to betray and flings her arms around our neck to leap with us into perdition?  Sin.  Who turns the soft and gentlest heart to stone?  Who hurls reason from her lofty throne and impels sinners mad as Gadarene swine to run down the precipice into a lake of fire?  Sin. (Dr Donald Guthrie quoted by Dr John MacArthur)

Sin makes a man a slave. The Bible speaks of a class who are taken captive by the devil at his will. Many a man is a slave to his appetite or his passions. Mr. Spurgeon once made a parable. He said : “There  was a tyrant who ordered one of his subjects into his presence and commanded him to make a chain. The blacksmith obeyed. When he had finished the chain, he brought it to his ruler, who, upon examination, ordered him to go and make it twice as long. When the chain was brought the second time, the tyrant commanded one of his soldiers to take it and with it bind the man who had made it, hand and foot, and cast him into prison. That is what the devil does for men. ‘ He shall be holden with the cords of his sins. ‘ ” Proverbs 5 : 22. You can bind a man with a spool of thread if you use enough of it . Many men are slaves to so-called little sins. (Without Excuse – A Sympathetic Examination of Some of the Excuses Which Often are Made When the Spirit Beckons Men on to a Christian Life)

What is Sin?

It’s easy to lose track of the toxic characteristic of sin.

Sin puts you and I in hell (Rom 3:23; Rev 20:15), sin put Christ on the cross (1 Pet 3:18), sin is responsible for all the pain and the problems in the world (Gen 2:16-17; Dt 30:15-20; Jn 3:16-21) and sin is the lie that says, “I am my own bottom line (Lk 12:18-21; Phil 3:18-20; Jas 4:13-15).”

You never want to see sin as nothing more than an unavoidable handicap or an inconsequential discrepancy.

James spells it out in chapter four:

7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. (Jas 4:7-10)

It’s not just the sin and the physical consequences of whatever wrongdoing you’re guilty of. It’s Who you’re sinning against that makes it the heinous thing that it is.

Every sin requires you to go up to your Heavenly Father as He’s sitting on His Throne and telling Him to get out of your chair.

The Bible calls that idolary in that you’re replacing Him with another authority of your own making (Ex 32:1-4; 1 Sam 15:23; 1 Cor 10:13-15; [see also “There Are Only Two Options” as part of Central Truth | Part IV]).

The point, here, is that you don’t want to ever lose sight of what Sin is. 1 John 3:4 says sin is “lawlessness (1 Jn 3:4).” You’re casting off whatever guidelines and restrictions God would impose based on His Perfect Love and Wisdom and replacing them with a self-serving agenda. It’s belligerent, it’s nonsensical and, in the end, it’s lethal (Rom 6:23).

Again, it doesn’t matter if you’re cussin’ or you’re killin’. James 2:10 says:

For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. (Jas 2:10 [see also Matt 23:23])

Sounds pretty harsh, doesn’t it?

But when you break sin down to the mindset and the motives that have to be in place in order for said behavior to exist, given the Love and the Power of God, you’re looking at a form of rebelliousness that is pure poison. However the physical consequences may differ, the spiritual substance of sin is the same regardless of the form it may take.

You’re Saved

But you’re saved, right?

That means every sin you could ever commit – past, present and future – has been forgiven.

Just before Jesus died, He said, “It is finished. (Jn 19:30)” Meaning that the problem of sin had been solved and the old system of sin and sacrifices had now been replaced with a new arrangement…

 It is finished, that is, the work of man’s redemption and salvation is now completed, at least the hardest part of the undertaking is over; a full satisfaction is made to the justice of God, a fatal blow given to the power of Satan, a fountain of grace opened that shall ever flow, a foundation of peace and happiness laid that shall never fail. Christ had now gone through with his work, and finished it, (Matthew Henry)

You can see the comprehensive nature of Christ’s atonement in verses like Romans 8:1-2:

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you[a] free from the law of sin and death. (Rom 8:1-2 [see also 1 Jn 2:2])

You can also see the permanance of our Redemption later on in the same chapter:

38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Rom 8:38-39)

So, as believers, we are forgiven and blameless in the sight of God because of our identity being defined according to our faith in Christ (Jn 14:20; 2 Cor 5:17; Gal 2:20; Col 1:27).

And yet…

We Still Sin

We still sin.

It’s tempting to think that once the Holy Spirit has taken up residence in our heart and mind (Acts 1:8; Rom 8:9; 1 Cor 6:19; 2 Tim 1:14), we’re suddenly transformed into these morally pristine individuals and we’re no longer prone to sin.

But that’s not the case.

You see that in Romans 7:21-24:

21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! (Rom 7:21-24 [see also Gal 5:17; Jas 4:1; 1 Pet 2:11])

But here’s the thing: While we’re still having to contend with a default desire to establish ourselves as our own bottom line (Gal 5:17), we are no longer obligated to obey what amounts to a standard that is subjective at best.

Where before we were a “slave” to sin, now we’re a slave of Christ. Click here to read “The Mechanics of Forgiveness | Part III.”

The Mechanics of Forgiveness | Part I

Your Cheatin’ Heart

Imagine you see your sweetheart being affectionate with another person.

You’re shattered.

You can imagine talking to them, trying to not fall apart as you’re picking up the broken pieces of your heart off the floor.

At one point, they say, “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?”

You wipe the tears from your eyes, you catch your breath and you say, “Yes, I will.”

But no sooner do you get the words out of your mouth then your sweetheart looks at you and says…

“Of course, you know I’ll do this again.”

However ludicrous as that scenario may sound, that’s the way in which some people apologize to their Heavenly Father and ask for forgiveness.

While the image of a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend following up their plea for mercy by saying that they plan on being unfaithful again makes it easy to see that they’re really not asking for forgiveness, why is it that so many people want to believe that “confessing” their sins with no intention of changing their behavior somehow qualifies as a reverent appeal for grace?

This is a four part series that looks at what Forgiveness is and how it needs to be looked at from the standpoint of your relationship with Christ.

You ready?

Buckle up!

What is Forgiveness?

Here’s the thing…

In order for Forgiveness to resonate as a legitimate appeal for grace, three things have to be in place:

Think CAR..

1) Confession -> First, you need to be willing to concede the fact that what you’ve done is wrong. The Bible calls that confession. You’re “agreeing” that you’ve done something wrong (1 Jn 1:9).

2) Authority -> Secondly, you’re acknowledging that the person whose forgiveness you are seeking is the one that has been wronged. You wouldn’t ask for forgiveness from someone who wasn’t impacted or involved by what you’ve done, right? So when you ask someone for forgiveness, you’re identifying that person as the one who’s been offended by your behavior and consequently it’s their forgiveness that you’re needing – they have the “authority” to forgive you.

You see that illustrated in Second Samuel when Nathan confronts David about what he had done with Bathsheba. David was guilty of both adultery and murder and while he had wronged several parties, he realized that ultimately his actions were a sin against God (2 Sam 12:13; Ps 51:4) – the Ultimate Moral Authority.

3) Repentance -> Finally, when you’re asking for forgiveness, you’re declaring a resolve to not repeat the offense. The Bible calls this Repentance (Prov 28:13; Lk 5:31-32; Acts 2:38; Heb 6:4-6).

Literally, Repentance means “to change your mind.” If you’re truly sorry and desiring to be forgiven, it follows that you’re determined to not repeat the same behavior.

 

You see those elements represented in 2 Chronicles 7:14:

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. (2 Chron 7:14)

Confession is implied by “humbling” yourself. The fact that you’re praying is indicative of an acknowledgment of His Authority and you’re repenting when you “turn” from you wicked ways.

You want to be honest with yourself and your Heavenly Father when you ask for His forgiveness because should you be “posing” rather than praying, 2 Chronicles 7:14 makes it clear that only when humility, reverence and repentance are in place – it’s then that He hears from heaven and forgives your sin.

Forgiveness, from the standpoint of Scripture, can be defined as “God’s restoration of relationship that entails the removal of objective guilt.” It’s an awesome manifestation of His Mercy and Grace in that when you disobey God, it’s not just the sin, it’s Who you’re sinning against that makes it so heinous. Yet, despite the toxic nature of our sin, God is willing to forgive it. But in order for that forgiveness to be extended you have to confess what you’ve done and not merely go through the motions (1 Jn 1:9). Otherwise, you’re not asking for forgiveness as much as you’re just making a statement that says you’re not sorry, you’re not wrong and you don’t care.

If God is the One Who you believe to be worthy of your time and attention (Col 3:4), then you want to be familiar with the mechanics of forgiveness. Pop the hood on that “CAR,” and be certain that you’re not leaving anything out so you can experience the freedom of a clear conscience (Ps 32:1-2) and the certainty of a person with a clear direction (Ps 66:18; 139:23-24; 1 Jn 5:18).

Click here for “The Mechanics of Forgiveness | Part II.”

How Do You Know You’re Saved – Are You Willing to Pull Over?

Abstract

Some see Christ as a spiritual appliance more than a Divine Absolute. Rather than staying in their lane, they drive on the wrong side of the road and when the Holy Spirit pulls up alongside them and instructs them to pull over, they simply roll down the window, say “I’m sorry, please forgive me!” and keep right on driving as they did before.

They have a “form of godliness” but deny its power (2 Tim 3:5). They don’t see sin as a problem as much as it’s an unavoidable handicap.

How do you know you’re saved?

Are you willing to pull over?

Intro

How do you know you’re saved?

Perhaps you’re being asked by someone who’s wondering if simply “believing” is all that you need to do, or maybe you’re being approached by somebody who’s got some regrets that they’re trying to process and they can’t help but wonder if perhaps they’ve crossed a line and their relationship with Christ is no longer intact.

What makes this topic potentially complicated is that, on one hand, you’ve got the Truth that says all you need to do is “believe.” That’s part of makes Salvation so amazing is that it’s not something you can earn, you simply believe in your heart (Eph 2:8-9).

But then you’ve got this other dynamic that says that there needs to be some kind of outward “proof” that a commitment to Christ is in place (Lk 6:44). The Bible calls this “fruit…”

When we repent of our sin and receive Jesus as Lord of our lives (John 1:12; Acts 2:38), He changes our hearts (2 Corinthians 5:17). Now the fruit that is produced is good fruit. Galatians 5:22 lists some of the fruit produced by a heart in tune with God. Our attitudes, actions, words, and perspectives change as we walk in fellowship with the Holy Spirit (1 John 1:6–7). When our hearts change, our fruit changes. (gotquestions.org)

James also talks about this kind of thing when he references faith without deeds…

14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. (Jas 2:14-17)

It makes sense that there would have to be some kind of “godliness” in place in order for someone to qualify as being saved.

But how can you stress the importance of obedience and submission without potentially compromising the idea that salvation is by grace alone (Gal 3:1-5)?

That’s what we’re talking about here…

Using Both Wings…

Truth is like a bird; it cannot fly on one wing. Yet we are forever trying to take off with one wing flapping furiously and the other tucked neatly out of sight.Many of the doctrinal divisions among the churches are the result of a blind and stubborn insistence that truth has but one wing. Each side holds tenaciously to one text, refusing grimly to acknowledge the validity of the other.

This error is an evil among churches, but it is a real tragedy when it gets into the hearts of individual Christians and begins to affect their devotional lives. One thing hidden in such teachings as have been mentioned above is unconscious spiritual pride.

The Christian who refuses to confess sin on the ground that it is already forgiven is setting himself above prophet and psalmist and all the saints who have left anything on record about themselves from Paul to the present time. These did not hide their sins behind a syllogism, but eagerly and fully confessed them. Perhaps that is why they were such great souls and those who claim to have found a better way are so small. And one has but to note the smug smile of superiority on the face of the one-prayer Christian to sense that there is a lot of pride behind the smile.

While other Christians wrestle with God in an agony of intercession they sit back in humble pride waiting it out. They do not pray because they have already prayed. The devil has no fear of such Christians. He has already won over them, and his technique has been false logic. Let’s use both wings. We’ll get further that way. (A.W. Tozer)

Cheap Grace

“Cheap Grace” is a phrase coined by Dietrich Bonhoeffer that he used to describe the way in which a person will accept Christ’s forgiveness, but not His Authority.

In other words, it’s a human being telling God, “Sure, I’ll let You forgive me, but I’m not going to do as you say.”

That’s obviously a ridiculous statement, right? If you’re looking at the One Who you believe to be your God and King, how do logically justify telling Him that you refuse to obey His commands?

Why is It Important?

There’s no denying that you can get into some subjective territory here that can be manipulated in either direction. But you don’t want to gloss over what amounts to something very important just because there appears to be two contradictory ideas operating simultaneously.

Why is it important?

Because it’s possible to regulate Christ to the role of an Assistant as opposed to Him being an Absolute. And unless He represents both the Standard you’re committed to honor (Jn 14:21) as well as the Forgiveness you want to receive (Eph 1:7; 2:10), you’re like a bird trying to fly on one wing (see sidebar) and you’re either an immature Christian who has yet to completely surrender to your Heavenly Father (maturity [Rom 6:13; Phil 3:10-14]), or it may be that you need to revevaluate the substance of your faith (identity [Matt 7:21; 2 Cor 13:5]).

Either way you’re looking at something serious and unless you’re being honest in the way you qualify your faith, you either risk missing out on the benefits of complete obedience, or…

…you may not be saved at all.

You Can’t Fake It

You can’t dismiss the importance of obedience anymore than you can gloss over the necessity of faith.

Below you’ll see a collection of Scriptures that makes that point. On the left you see the “Proof” – the visible behavior that’s characteristic of somebody who recognizes the rightful place of Christ in the life given His credentials as their “Lord.”

Under “Truth,” you see the Reality of grace. You can’t “earn” God’s favor by virtue of your accomplishments or those times where you did something incredibly noble. Regardless of how seemingly pristine your moral resume may be, the bottom line is no one is perfect and we’re all in desperate need of His mercy (Rom 3:23; Jas 2:10).

Take a look:

Proof Truth
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” (Matt 7:21)

21 Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.” (Jn 14:21)

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. (Gal 5:6)

If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. (1 Jn 1:6)

No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him. (1 Jn 3:6)

 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. (Rom 3:23-24)

You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. 2 I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? 3 Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh? (Gal 3:1-3)

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. (Eph 2:8-9)

 

Now, while it might look like you’ve got an unresolvable tension occuring between an expection of obedience and the grace of His mercy, it’s really not that difficult.

There’s a central Truth baked into Romans 10:9-10 that does a great job of reconcilling what would otherwise appear to be an apparent contradiction.

Believing in Your Heart

However you want to envision that part of you that drives the way you think, act and feel – whether you want to think of it as your, “personality,” or your “soul” – the important thing that needs to be established is that it’s more than just a mindset or a mood. It’s what makes you the person that you are. The Bible calls that your, “heart.”

When you believe something in your heart, you are not just agreeing with a particular truism. It impacts the way you spend your time and your resources. It’s kind of like being in love. Saying that you love someone and actually being in love with them illustrates the difference between merely forming the words on your tongue and being passionately committed to the welfare and happiness of the one you adore.

When you acknowledge the death and resurrection of Christ in that way, it’s no longer just a historical event as much as it’s a personal reality. He’s not just the “King of kings.” He’s your King. Nor is He just the Savior of the world as much as He’s your Savior. You’re not just seeing Him as a distant deity, you’re like Thomas when he took a knee and said, “My lord and my God.” At that point, God responds by installing His Character into your heart.

Remember this too: Satan believes in God. He was there to see Him die and the devil saw Christ rise from the grave. This is why believing in your heart is so crucial. Even thought it may sound a bit poetic, it’s an absolutely crucial aspect of your approach because Satan isn’t going to heaven. Believing something to be true doesn’t really mean anything unless you it manifests itself in your behavior.

I can believe that eating right and exercising is important, but it doesn’t really resonate as a “truth” if I never go to the gym or pay attention to my calories.

Your can’t “pose” as a Christian. You’re not going to put on a godly looking expression and drop something in the offering plate and qualify as a godly man if you’re thinking that appearances alone can merit God looking at you and seeing someone who truly believes.

It’s when you cross that line that separates what’s purely academic and it suddenly becomes “real.” At that point, you’re no longer posing in that you’ve got the Power and the Perspective of the Holy Spirit working as both fuel and a filter through which you’re now processing yourself and performing in ways that go beyond what you’re capable of on your own. (Muscular Christianity: What Does It Mean to be Saved?)

For further reading, look at “Can a Person Believe in Some Sense and Not be Saved?”

A Central Truth

9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. (Rom 10:9-10)

Embedded within this verse you have what sounds like a potentially easy way to simply say something that sounds religious and be accurately categorized as a believer.

“If you declare with your mouth…and believe in your heart.”

Just say that you believe in Christ and you’re gold, right?

But there’s more to this than simply forming the words on your lips.

First of all, remember that the demons believe that Jesus is the Son of God and the fact that He rose from the grave (Jas 2:19). So, simply “believing” that Christ is Who He claimed to be doesn’t qualify you as a believer if you’re doing nothing other than acknowledging the empty tomb as a historical fact (see “Believing in Your Heart” sidebar).

The bottom line is you can believe that Christ existed and yet keep Him at a distance so He doesn’t really impact your perspective on yourself and the world around you.

In that regard, Jesus ISN’T Lord.

You appreciate Him, you’ll go to Him when you’re dealing with a difficult circumstance and you might even volunteer at church. But while He might be a philsophical virtue or a religious routine that somehow relieves an otherwise guilty conscience, He’s not a Divine Authority as much as He is a spiritual appliance.

You use Him as part of maintaining yourself as your own bottom line. “Sin” is not something you process as anything other than the way an it impacts other people or how it reflects poorly on yourself. You don’t see it as an act of rebellion against God because there is no real Authority apart from the one that stares back at you in the mirror every morning (Is 66:3).

He’s a presence, but not a Priority. He’s ornamental and not foundational.

That’s not the way you engage Someone Who’s supposedly in charge of your life (Phil 2:13).

That’s the “central truth” that’s communicated in Romans 10:9-10. You’re saying “He’s Lord” and insisting that credential is certifiable given your conviction that Christ did, in fact, rise from the grave. Yet, if He’s not a Priority that can be observed in your words and actions, than He isn’t your “Lord.”

Simply “saying” it, doesn’t necessarily mean anything, unless you can see what’s referenced by those verses in the above “Proof” column:

  • doing the will of the Father
  • obeying Christ’s commands
  • expressing your faith in love
  • abstaining from sin

Attitude and Not Just Actions

Let’s dig a little bit deeper.

Jesus said in Luke 6:44 that you’ll know a tree by its fruit.

If Jesus IS Lord, then what He commands in Scripture is going to resonate as more than just an “option” as much as it does a bottom line that you want to honor as part of your commitment to Him. Hence, you’re going to see some “fruit” in the context of obedience.

But no one is perfect – neither before Christ making us alive when we were previously spiritually dead (Eph 2:1-5) nor even after we were redeemed (1 Jn 1:8-10). So how can you base the authenticity of your relationship with Christ on anything pertaining to your performance?

Because just like there’s a difference between making a mistake and making a decision, there’s a difference between asking for forgivenesss and simply going through the motions.

 

Think of it this way.

Is Psalm 32, David identifies three types of wrongdoing:

Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin. (Ps 32:5)

Imagine you’re driving down the road and, like most motorists, you’re doing your best to stay in your lane. Every now and then, however, you might drift into the other lane or you might get a little too close to the shoulder and in that moment, you’re disobeying the law in that you’re not driving on the right side of the road.

• Sin -> Mistake
• Transgression -> Choice
• Iniquity -> Plan

It’s not intentional, necessarily. Maybe you weren’t paying attention, perhaps you made a mistake in evaluating where you were and you found yourself hugging the line, but you are quick to correct it and get back in your lane.

That’s Sin.

It’s a mistake, it’s a failure to adhere to a moral guideline. Everybody does it (Rom 3:23).

On the other hand…

If you choose to drive on the wrong side of the road – if you make a decision to drive in the direction of oncoming traffic…

That’s a Transgression.

That’s a “willful sin.” (Heb 10:26; 1 Jn 1:6)

It’s a not a mistake, it’s a choice to disregard the rules of the road.

Now imagine that you’ve got it in your head that you’re going to drive on the wrong side of the road before you even get into your car. Now, you’re looking at a premediated decision that goes beyond a mere choice as much as it’s a plan.

That’s Iniquity.

With all three types of wrongdoing: Sin, Trespass and Iniquity – you have the common denominator of failing to obey God. The difference is defined in the context of your attitude and intentions.

With Sin, you’re admittedly flawed and you’re more than willing to own it and receive the grace that’s offered because you see yourself as someone who’s in need of that grace.

Forgiveness implies that you recognize that you are in the wrong and the person whose forgiveness you are asking for has every reason to be offended and is morally justified in seeking justice or restitution. If you’re not willing to acknowledge there’s a debt to be forgiven and the person who you are appealing to is in a position to offer you the forgiveness you are asking for, then you have stripped away all of what characterizes authentic forgiveness and you’ve accomplished nothing. (1 Jn 1:8-10)

But with the Transgression and the Iniquity, there’s a mindset in place that’s more inclined to pretend to be apologetic rather than be willing to confess and repent because you have no real intention of changing your behavior.

It really becomes apparent when you envision a police officer telling you to pull over.

License and Registration, Please

You’re driving on the wrong side of the road and a police officer pulls up alongside you and tells you to pull over. If you respond by simply rolling down your window and saying, “I’m sorry,” yet you don’t stop and hand over your license and registration, but instead keep driving against the flow of traffic, you’re not sorry, nor are you truly asking for forgiveness. Rather, you’re giving the impression of being sorry in order to avoid submitting to a Higher Authority. While forgiveness is available, it’s not necessarily obtained because, in these cases, the person that’s guilty of violating God’s Command doesn’t really want forgiveness as much as they want to simply go through the motions in order to continue driving on the wrong side of the road, but with the appearance of being remorseful.

You don’t have any real regard for the Law (the Bible [Ps 16:7-8; 2 Tim 3:16-17), let alone the Police Officer (the Holy Spirit [Jn 16:8]) Who’s telling you to stop. You’re going through the motions of appearing submissive, but in the end, the only authority you’re willing to submit to is yourself.

On the other hand, with “Sin” you have a willness to admit your shortcomings (conviction), ask for forgiveness and correct whatever it is that you’ve done wrong.

That’s Repentance.

You’re pulling over.

Costly Grace –  Are You Willing to Pull Over?

Bonhoeffer contrasts “cheap grace” with “costly grace…”

Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods. It is the kingly rule of Christ, for whose sake a man will pluck out the eye, which causes him to stumble, it is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows Him.

Costly grace is the Gospel, which must be sought again and again, the gift, which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock.

Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life (Lk 9:23), and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it costs God the life of His Son: “ye were bought at a price,” and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon His Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but deliver Him up for us. Costly grace is the Incarnation of God. (Costly Grace by Dietrich Bonhoeffer)

Being a Christian is more than just attempting to live up to a sanctified code of ethics or a casual attitude towards sin, believing it to be something that can be dismissed as an inconsequential discrepancy or an unavoidable handicap that’s remedied by simply repeating a religious sounding mantra.

And while there’s a substantial amount of theology that can be unpacked and explored, if you’re wanting to take an honest inventory of your faith to see if it’s authentic (1 Cor 11:28-29) or in need of revival, you can easily remove a lot of the things that might otherwise prevent an honest evaluation by asking one question:

Are you willing to pull over?

When the Holy Spirit points out your being in the wrong lane, do you pull over or do you simply roll down the window and say, “I’m sorry” and keep driving?

That one question can reveal a lot about the way you regard Scripture as well as your King.

If you can say, “Yes,” than you’re good to go. There’s always room for improvement (Matt 5:48), but you have a healthy regard for the Authority of your God as well as a deep appreciation for His grace.

If you feel obligated to say, “Not always,” embrace that as an opportunity to let Christ show you what needs to change knowing that the prize is worth whatever adjustment or sacrifice needs to be made (Mk 9:47-48; Lk 9:24; Jn 10:10).

And remember too, that you don’t resist temptation according to your resolve alone (1 Cor 10:13). Rather, you have the Power of the Holy Spirit to provide the mental, emotional and physical steel you need to stand and overcome what would otherwise defeat you and play you for a fool (Eph 6:13; 1 Pet 5:8).

Finally, if you’re inclined to admit that you’re simply rolling down the window and pretending to be sorry rather than genuinely seeking His pardon and grace, than you might want to sit down with your Savior and be intentional about Romans 10:9-10 and experience the transformation that occurs when you believe and become a “new creation.” (2 Cor 5:17)

How do you know you’re saved?

Are you willing to pull over?

Actions, Attitudes and Appearances

In Boot Camp, you would on occasion be assigned “Fire Watch,” which was an hour’s worth of either walking around the Squad Bay, checking to make sure all the M16s were secure or, you would sometimes have to go and monitor the Washer and Dryer where the Platoon’s PT gear was being washed.

I remember one particular post I was standing during the 2nd Phase of Training and I was monitoring the Washer and Dryer and on the wall was a poster similar to what you see to the right.

“If you were accused of being a Marine, would there be enough evidence to convict you?”

Pretty motivating.

Of course you would want to respond in the affirmative, but even more than that, you would want it to be so obvious, no one would even have to ask.

What if you took that same kind of question and instead asked about the substance of your faith in Christ?

“If you were accused of being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?”

Some would want to point to their church attendance record, others would be quick to hold up their Bible, but, similiar to the way in which you as a Marine Corps Recruit would want your identity to be obvious, you would want your relationship with Christ to be that blatant, if not even more so.

But what sort of things would you submit as evidence?

Fact is, your Bible and your being at church is noteworthy, but not especially compelling.

Unlike something you can hold in your hand, be it a New Testament or a calendar, what God references as indicators of your commitment to Him are measured according to your character.

It comes down to three things:

The way you act, the way you think and the way you look…

First of all, Jesus makes it clear that obedience is the bottom line:

Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them. (Jn 14:21)

Just because you’re holding a Bible doesn’t mean you obey it. History is punctuated with “believers” doing all kinds of heinous things while hiding behind verses taken out of context if they bothered to try and quote the Bible at all.

Doing what the Bible says and applying the whole of God’s Word to your life is your starting point. Studying the Bible (2 Tim 2:15) and attending church (Heb 10:24-25) represent some of the more basic spiritual disciplines. But those should be byproducts of something that’s deeper and ulimately far more beneficial that a mere regimen.

Let’s take a look.

What you do…

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Col 3:17 [see also Matt 5:33; 2 Cor 9:8])

Christ is not a mere file folder, He’s the Filing Cabinet (Col 3:4). You want to filter everything you do through the Purpose, Peace and Power of Christ in order to make sure you’re knocking it out of the park every time you get up to bat.

The way you think…

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. (Ps 19:14 [see also Phil 4:8])

How you behave is ultimately a manifestion of how you think. And it’s not “positive thinking,” rather it’s Profound Thinking that makes the difference. With “positive thinking,” you’re simply being selective about what you focus on. With “Profound Thinking,” you’re meditating on the One Who your circumstances answer to and from that perspective, you’re not as concerned about those things you can’t control because you can trust in the One Who is in complete control.

The way you look…

6 “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. 7 Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! (Matt 18:6-7)

Eating Meat…

The “weaker” brother is not someone who simply objects to a certain practice, but one who is in danger of falling into sin. To illustrate, let’s say there are two 1st-century Christians named Demetrius and Clement. Both are former idolaters, now saved by faith in Christ. Demetrius shuns everything to do with his old way of life, including the meat sold in the marketplace, because, for him, eating such meat would constitute a return to paganism. Clement avoids the temple and refuses to participate in the pagan festivals, but he has no problem eating the meat from the market. Clement understands (correctly) that an idol has no power to corrupt good meat, and, for him, eating such meat is a non-issue. Then one day, as both men are in the marketplace, Demetrius sees Clement eating meat that was sacrificed to idols. Demetrius is horrified, but Clement laughs it off and encourages Demetrius to eat some, too. When Demetrius hesitates, Clement cuts off a piece and hands it to him. Demetrius—emboldened by Clement’s confidence—eats the meat. Biblically, both believers have sinned. Clement sinned by violating the conscience of a fellow believer. Demetrius sinned in that he essentially returned to idolatry—at least, that’s what his conscience is telling him. More importantly, Demetrius is learning how to ignore his conscience—a very dangerous thing to learn.

The principle here is that the conscience of a weaker Christian is more important than individual freedom. Doing something “permitted” should never hinder the spiritual health of someone else. (gotquestions.org)

You can get into some very subjective territory when you start talking about the way things “look.” Nevertheless, you want to be sensitive to how a certain behavior can damage the way a person processes themselves and the world around them.

This is what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 18:6-7. He begins by using the mindset of a child to illustrate the way you want to conduct yourself in the context of humility and trust…

So, as the disciples focus on what constitutes “greatness” in heaven, Jesus provides a new perspective: the way “up” is “down.” Meekness is required (cf. Matthew 5:5). Jesus exhorts the disciples (and us) to seek to possess a childlike modesty in addition to their faith. Those who willingly take the lowest position are the greatest in heaven’s eyes. A young child is destitute of ambition, pride, and haughtiness and is therefore a good example for us. Children are characteristically humble and teachable. They aren’t prone to pride or hypocrisy. Humility is a virtue rewarded by God; as James says, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up” (James 4:10). (gotquestions.org)

Regardless of your age, the perspective of a child – one that is devoid of “ambition, pride and haughtiness” – is the one that is going to be most open to God’s Word and Direction and you don’t want to do anything that distracts them from a healthy commitment to obedience.

Thing is, though, depending on that person’s level of spiritual maturity, some things can be processed more according to that person’s life experiences than on the way that issue is presented in Scripture.

For example, in the ancient world, eating meat that had been used as part of a pagan ceremony was considered by some to be a sin (see sidebar). While others could rightfully process a piece of meat as being entirely amoral, for others, because of their background, it represented a sinful concession and something that could potentially lead to more serious compromises.

This is what Christ was talking about when He refers to those who “causes one of these little ones to stumble.” You don’t want to be so indifferent to the way certain people are processing your behavior that your example becomes for them a way to justify putting some distance between themselves and their Savior.

Just because you’re not doing anything “wrong,” doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re doing it right – especially if there’s the potential of some pain and problems resulting from a callous regard for the way your actions might impact other people. From that standpoint, you want to be aware of the way you’re coming across so that those who are legitimately vulnerable are not compromised in a way that can be traced back to your indifference.

Should you ever be accused of being a Christian, you would want the judge to be able to evaluate the indictment according to who you are based what you do, the way you think and the way look because it’s in the context of your character that Christ manifests Himself as the Purpose, Peace and Power in your life as well as the thing that has the most impact on those who have yet to know Him personally.

Court adjourned…

 

Driving on the Wrong Side of the Road

How Bizarre is That?

Imagine someone driving on the wrong side of the road and justifying it by saying they have the right to be happy.

How bizarre is that?

Now envision that same situation, only now that person is being pulled from the wreckage that was their automobile after colliding with another car because they were in the wrong lane. But instead of admitting that it was their fault, they insist that it’s all due to an oppressive system that obligates them to conform in ways that make them feel uncomfortable.

The person who wants to see themselves as their own absolute is having to constantly reconfigure the human experience in order to validate their mindset as being beyond reproach. They’re like the middle schooler who turns in their multiple choice exam believing that because they had the freedom to choose how they wanted to answer each question, they’re automatically deserving of a perfect score.

This is the world of the individual who has declared himself as his own bottom line. There are no failing test scores, there are no standards, and anything that could be accurately processed as a consequence of their actions is dismissed by labeling it as a hateful convention coming from either a corrupt institution that needs to be destroyed or an ignorant individual that needs to be silenced.

They shoot themselves in the foot and then blame all the pain they’re in on the one who told them not to pull the trigger to begin with.

When you attempt to reason with this kind of person, you are not being heard as someone who’s questioning their logic as much as you are challenging their authority. It’s not about what’s true, it’s about what works as far as those statistics and testimonies that can be used to make a self serving agenda appear compassionate and preferrable while simultaneously validating themselves as the only one that they’re accountable to.

And yet…

Practical Gravity and Simple Math

The validity of one’s perspective is ultimately proven by what happens when that perspective is put into practice. However convoluted and volatile the debate may be, feelings and beliefs can be readily identified as being either clarifying or distracting simply by observing those things that result from the application of any one methodology.

Should one approach translate to a world of pain and problems, that perspective can then be logically subordinated to a viewpoint that yields better results. At that point, you’re not looking at anything other than pure utility and however passionate you may be about your particular brand of morality, you are no longer able to assert your preferences as principles when all that exists in the aftermath is a mess you expect someone else to clean up.

There has always been an element that wants to push back against those things that remind them that there is such a thing as “practical gravity.” You cannot hope to do certain things and not have to contend with the natural consequences of your actions. If you decide to jump out of an airplane as it’s flying through the sky, you can’t deny the effects of gravity simply because you want to believe that you have the right to be happy or because you believe that gravity is a byproduct of an oppressive hierarchy.

In a similar way, you can’t drive on the wrong side of the road and not risk a head on collision, nor can you embrace what amounts to a perverse or irresponsible lifestyle and not be confronted with the medical and practical realities that characterize the choice that you have made.

There is a natural order in place that transcends whatever it is that drives your resolve and you can’t circumvent that infrastructure simply because it doesn’t coincide with your opinion on the matter.

It’s math, really.

The way you think + the way you act = the price you pay

Wise decisions tend to be very beneficial and cost very little.

On the other hand, foolish choices can be lethal and in that way are very expensive.

And here’s the thing: When that bill arrives, it’s your responsibility. However you want to insist that it’s someone else’s fault or another person’s obligation, you’re the one that has to come up with the functional finances necessary to pay the amount owed which will inevitably include a lack of fulfillment, a substantial amount of wasted time and a collection of physical and emotional scars.

Antiquated Traditions

Some want to try and avoid the “practical gravity” of their situation by insisting that the angst they experience as a result of the way they choose to process themselves and the world around them is due to the unjust and antiquated traditions of the society they live in.

Perhaps.

But then again, if your perspective is revealed as being problematic in terms of what happens when your perspective is put into practice, it’s not the society you live in that’s causing the tension, it’s the organic outcome of your flawed approach.

It’s not the Supreme Court, it’s not a political party, it’s not a cultural trend or a societal norm.

You’re driving on the wrong side of the road and there are consequences to not staying in your lane that are based more so on the laws of Physics and Chemistry then they are the Department of Motor Vehicles.

This is the problem you inevitably encounter when you establish any kind of human agency as your philosophical foundation.

Die, Quit or Change

You have chosen to build your existence on a platform that is destined to either die, quit or change. It is as fluid as it is inconsistent and whatever rights or truisms you want to maintain as givens will resonate as such only when you’ve surrounded yourself with like-minded individuals. Reason being is that you can’t logically condemn another person’s viewpoint if everyone is entitled to their opinion and the universe is nothing more than a lucky mistake.

This is what happens when you remove God from the equation. Bear in mind that there are only two religions in the world: Either God is God or you are. Every religion on the planet empowers the individual with the ability to facilitate their own salvation. Only Christianity maintains that you are not your own deity and the only thing that you contribute to your salvation is the sin that makes it necessary.

When you embrace God as your philosophical starting point and the Substance of the empty tomb as what defines your identity, you’re no longer tasked with having to manufacture a reason for your existence or an enduring Source of fulfillment.

Bear in mind we’re talking about the Person of Jesus Christ – the Son of God and not a corrupted clergyman or a hypocritical layperson. Neither one of those two individuals died for your sins or put the planets in their place.

The Image of God, the Son of God and the Spirit of God

You are made in the Image of God, you have been redeemed by the Son of God and you have access to a Perfect Source of Purpose, Peace and Power because of the Spirit of God who lives in and through you.

Like our Founding Fathers, you can effectively dispute injustice because you’re not limited to a human premise, and unlike those who borrow from God without believing in Him, you can accurately claim an entitlement as a legitimate right because you know that they’re gifts from God He gives to guard your way and not weapons you use in an attempt to get your way.

Moreover, you don’t see His Instructions as “rules” as much as you see them as “tools” that you use to realize a life where you are making a difference and not just an appearance.

Scale that Wall and Dismantle that Strategy

There will always be people who drive on the wrong side of the road. They will justify themselves with compelling sounding arguments framed by a strategy designed to avoid that direct line of questioning that has the capacity to reveal their platform as toxic and self-serving.

But you can scale that wall and dismantle that strategy by focusing on the empirical results of their perspective and allow the logic of how a flawed methodology needs to be subordinated to an approach that yields a better outcome.

When you hear someone say, “That’s your opinion!” or “You can’t force your beliefs on me!” they’re neither proving their point nor are they proving you to be wrong. Rather, they’re attempting to secure the kind of pity that’s awarded to the person who’s been hurt in order to distract from the wreckage caused by their own decision making.

You can’t always change a person’s mind without changing their heart and only God can do that.

But God can use you to make an impact and you want to be ready to do more than argue…

You want to champion the Truth by asking the right questions and letting their responses not only make your point, but more importantly make Him known.

Make It Sing | Part III

Welcome to “Make it Sing | Part III!”

In Part I we looked at how applying God’s take on any given issue is going to translate to the best possible outcome regardless of what the situation or issue may be. Using the illustration of the way an engine is sometimes described as “running like a song,” we want our relationship to not just “work,” we want it to “sing.”

In Part II, we looked at the nuts and bolts of reading God’s Word and how you don’t want to process it as a “noble chore,” but as something that’s done to ensure that you’re operating from a Position of Strength in everything you say, think and do.

In Part III, we’re going to look at the three things a woman needs in order for your relationship with her to truly “sing!”

Three Homeruns

Numbers tend to be symbolic. In Scripture, the both the number 7 and the number 3 represent “wholeness.”

You see it in Nature (height, width, depth), you see it in human beings (body, mind and spirit) and you even see it in God Himself (Father, Son and Holy Spirit).

A woman needs three things to feel comfortable in a relationship:

  • Trust – it’s not just being faithful to her as much as it’s being faithful to your King (1 Sam 16:7). When your heart’s right with God, she can trust you in the way you’re going to treat her and subordinate your will to her welfare “…out of reference for Christ (Eph 5:21).”
  • Communication – she needs you to talk to her. Being “strong and silent” is appropriate sometimes, but she needs to know what’s on your mind and how you’re feeling. You also want to make sure that you’re building her up and letting her know that she’s your one great love (Prov 25:11; Eph 5:18-20; 1 Thess 5:11).
  • Security – women are wired for security.  You can see that in their “motherly instincts,” as far as being committed to the protection of their children. Females are genetically weaker than their male counterparts. Women, therefore, are looking to lessen the feeling of vulnerability that’s triggered by the presence of any kind of “threat,” be it a financial shortcoming, an emotional void or physical harm (Ruth 3:9). While there is no lasting sense of security or significance provided by any kind of human agency, men (husbands) are nevertheless commanded to protect and provide for their wives and their families (Gen 2:15; Eph 5:25; 2 Thess 3:10; 1 Tim 5:8).

At first glance, you can look at these things and not feel like they’re especially challenging. But you want to ensure that each of these qualify as legitimate homeruns and not just base hits.

Think of it this way…

The woman you claim to love is not just your girlfriend, she’s her father’s daughter and she is her Savior’s creation. You don’t honor their commitment and the sacrifice they made for the sake of her wellbeing by allowing yourself to be content with any kind of compromise that can damage her in any way.

Even the “appearance” of evil is specified in Scripture as something you want to avoid:

Abstain from all appearance of evil. (1 Thess 5:22)

This isn’t just about the way things are, this applies as well to the way things appear – specifically the reputation of God and the ones you care about:

  • God’s Reputation (Matt 5:16; 1 Thess 2:12; Phil 1:27)
  • Her Reputation (Eph 5:33; 1 Pet 3:7)
  • Your Reputation (Prov 22:1; 1 Pet 2:15; 3:16)

Remember, “reputation” is not based not only on what people see, but what they’re led to believe. Granted, you can take that to an unhealthy extreme, but being sensitive to appearances compels you to expand your field of vision to include those things that can corrupt a relationship, yet go unnoticed apart from a wise appreciation for the corrosive effect of compromise (1 Cor 10:23-24; 1 Pet 5:8). Now you’re putting some points on the board and not just putting a man on base!

Something Changes

You ever notice how when you introduce the name of “Jesus” into a casual conversation, the whole mood of the room changes?

There’s something about that Name that effects even the very air you breathe – at least it feels that way.

I’ve always processed that “shift” in the way the tone of an environment changes when you speak the Name of Christ as indicative of His Reality.

You can say “God” or “Christ” and not perceive a noticable change, but say “Jesus” and it’s like you’ve opened the door of a dark room and the light now streaming in makes people have to adjust the eyes of their heart and mind.

Something changes…

Finding a wife is a good thing (Prov 31:10). You don’t want to gloss over the practical wisdom that’s coming from the One Who invented Humanity and Marriage to begin with. The verses and wisdom you see documented here in this essay aren’t just good little “cooking tips.” Rather, they represent a portion of the template that God Himself put in place and there’s no better Strategy for securing a successful relationship or living your best life than applying what God has to say about whatever it is you’re wanting to do.

Something changes when you love someone using the Perspective and the Power of the Holy Spirit (1 Thess 3:11. You’re no longer depending on the limited resources of your best intentions. Now you’ve got the True Muscle and the Perfect Knowledge of your Redeemer inspiring your thoughts and animating your actions.

Don’t just “make it work…”

Make it sing!

Click here to read “Make It Sing | Part IV”

Make It Sing | Part II

This is Part II of “Make It Sing,” a series about how to make your relationship with your sweetheart all that God designed it to be.

When an engine is running perfectly, you’ll hear it described as something that’s “running like a song.” We’re using that illustration to emphasize how you don’t want your relationship to merely “work,” rather you want it to “sing!”

In Part I we looked on how every aspect of the human experience stands to be significantly improved by applying whatever God has to say about it, given the fact that He’s the Author of everything to begin with (Col 1:16).

In Part II, we’re examining how to actually make that happen.

Get It Done

Everything that we contend with in life can be boiled down to a spiritual contest (Eph 6:12). Anger, disappointment, frustration, jealousy, fear, anxiety…Those are all emotional reactions to a spiritual tension.

Ephesians 6:12 says:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Eph 6:12)

You see where this is going?

You don’t read your Bible just to be able to defend your faith or be better prepared to smile and help when you want to scowl and fight.

Moral Courage

“Holiness,” from a purely practical standpoint, is doing the right thing at the right time in the right way for all the right reasons. It’s not just being “wise” or “moral,” it’s a perfect combination of the two.

That’s part of what makes God Who He is. (1 Sam 2:2; Is 48:17; Rev 4:8) and that’s the status we want to target in everything we say, think and do (Lev 11:44; Ps 19:14; Matt 5:48; 1 Pet 1:15-16). Not because we’re looking to simply be “nice,” but because we’re looking to secure the best possible outcome in every situation that we encounter.

And while the benefits are obvious, it nevertheless takes courage because much of the world is wired for compromise and what’s right and best is often exchanged for what’s easy and weak (Matt 7:24-27).

You want to be able to approach every aspect of your life from a Position of Strength (Is 41:10; Phil 4:13).

  • You don’t want to base your present disposition on just what’s apparent, you want to make sure it’s founded on what’s True (Rom 8:28; Phil 2:13)
  • You don’t want to just be “moral,” you want to be morally courageous (Ps 1:1-3; Phil 4:8 [see sidebar])
  • You don’t want to just be prosperous, you want to be both successful and prosperous (Josh 1:8; Prov 10:22; Matt 6:33)

You stay on top of your spiritual game in order to ensure that everything in your life is moving along briskly in the right direction, including your relationship with your sweetheart (Ps 19:7-9; 2 Cor 9:8)!

The Men’s Department

For Men, it looks like this:

Your job is to eliminate anything that gets in the way of your darlin’ girl’s relationship with Christ.

Again, this isn’t being overly “spiritual.” Her best life and the happiest relationship the two of you can enjoy is going to be facilitated by focusing on the foundation which everything in life is built upon.

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. (Heb 11:1-2 [The Message])

When you apply that Reality to relationships, you want to look at what it says in Ephesians.

Ephesians 5:25 says:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Eph 5:25)

If you refer to that graphic below, you’ll see that as the two of you grow closer to Christ, you inevitably grow closer together. And you’re not just “bonding” the way two people who are attracted to might gravitate to one another, you’re connecting at a level that’s deeply personal and goes beyond even the most transparent conversation.

That’s what happens when you pray together (Matt 18:20). When you’re both lining up the way you think about each other and life in general with the Truth of God’s Word, you’re not just “on the same page,” you’re completely in sync with each where the most important issues are concerned.

Click here to read “Make It Sing | Part III!”

Make it Sing | Part IV

The Bible is Your Best Resource

Welcome to Part IV of “Make It Sing!”

Where in Part III we were in the “Men’s Department,” in Part IV we are in the “Ladies Section.”

If you’ve read Part I, you know we’re talking about relationships and how you don’t want to just “make it work,” rather, you want to “make it sing (2 Pet 1:3).”

The expression “Make it sing” is something I remember my Dad saying when he was referring to the way an engine was running smoothly. It would “purr like a kitten,” or “run like a song” – regardless of what phrase he was using, he was describing something that was working exactly the way it was designed.

Given the fact that God Himself is the Author of Humanity as well as Marriage, it only makes sense that you would want to apply whatever He recommends in order to enjoy all the benefits a healthy dating relationship and, ultimately, a great marriage.

So, if you’re wanting a great relationship with your sweetheart – if you want to “make it sing” – then the Bible is going to be your best Resource.

Like Part I, much of what you’re reading is based on what my bride and I have learned as having been single and now on the other side of almost 30 years of a great marriage. However practical or obvious the content you’re about to read may appear, it has as its basis the Word of God and that’s what makes it both effective and reliable.

All Things at All Times

Previously I mentioned how it can be tempting to gloss over Scripture as something that’s reserved for those times when you’re needing something Profound to help you negotiate an especially challenging circumstance or when you’re feeling especially “spiritual.”

No.

2 Corinthians 9:8 says:

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. (2 Cor 9:8)

“All things at all times…”

There isn’t a single aspect of the human experience that doesn’t stand to be dramatically improved by bringing it into the Light of God’s Perspective (Jas 1:5). Rather than basing your approach on the limited resources represented by your best intentions, you can instead infuse your actions and your mindset with the Power of the Holy Spirit (Col 1:29) and the Mind of Christ (1 Cor 2:16).

You smell that?

That’s the aroma of excellence!

Submission…

In Part I, I enumerated three things that a woman needs in order for a relationship to be successful. In this part, we’ll look at the three things a man needs in order for the relationship to be a success.

This list comes from the premarital counseling your mama and I received when we were getting ready to tie the knot. While it resonated as logical at the time, after almost three decades, its logic has been verified repeatedly, not just with experiential knowledge, but also by being able to trace its wisdom back to Scripture.

Before we get into the three things a man needs, however, let’s look at what it means for a woman to “submit” to her husband.

This is coming from the book, “Perception Changes,” which goes into some of this in more detail. But the bottom line is that to “submit” to your husband, you’re not cowering beneath his authority as much as it means you are organizing your resources in a way to help accomplish a mission.

First of all, the man has the responsibility to care for his wife to the point where he’s willing to lay down his life for her.

Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Eph 5:24)

Ultimately, this is more than just financial provision. He is to be a spiritual leader that provides a holistic existence that allows her to thrive in every way – and this is to be a priority to the point where he’s willing to sacrifice his own life in order to make it happen.

To do this correctly, however, he needs more than just some assistance because, in the end, he’s not merely providing for her as much as he’s fighting a host of spiritual authorities that would prevent and destroy a mutually beneficial environment devoid of all sinful concessions and influences (Eph 6:12).

Eve is described as a “suitable helper.” While the tendency might be to gloss over those words as a description of a friendly secretary, the Hebrew word for “helper” is “ezerl” – the same word used to describe God Himself in Deuteronomy 33:29.

“Suitable” is “kenegdo” which is actually three words that, when combined mean a “similar opposite.” In other words, she is his equal that labors alongside him when he is acting honorably. On the other hand, when he is in error, she is facing him and functions as an agent of correction.

“Submitting” to this paradigm becomes both logical and advantageous in the way it facilitates a healthy relationship with God and one another. Moreover, it creates the ideal environment where sons and daughters can now grow without the distraction of sinful tensions that affect their total well-being.

And it should be noted that “submission” in this context is not the surrender of one’s personality or dreams in exchange for a life characterized by “duty” and “responsibility.” First of all, regardless of one’s gender, we’re all invited to participate in a holy existence that reeks of fulfillment and excellence (Eph 5:21; Col 3:17). Secondly, the Greek word for “submission” that’s being used here is a military term that refers to the organizing of one’s forces for the purpose of accomplishing a specific mission (see “Hupotasso” in the Greek by clicking here). In this instance, it’s about forming up your spiritual military for the purpose of ensuing that God’s Purposes are being accomplished in your spouse.

You see this illustrated in the diagram below:

Remember, Jesus was born of a woman. One of Israel’s first Judges was Deborah and the first person that the risen Christ appeared to was…

…a woman (Jn 20:14-16).

Too often, the female gender is regulated to a subserviant role. Even during the time of Christ, a woman’s legal testimony had no value. But that’s not what’s being promoted or even suggested in this context.  “Submission” is not so much resigning yourself to the authority of your husband, as much as it’s supporting him and his responsibility to protect and provide (see Part I) by organizing your spiritual resources in a way that combats those things that have the capacity to undermine his efforts.

 

So, how do you “submit” in the proper biblical context? Or how do you “make it sing?”

Three Homers

  • Physical Touch – physical intimacy is part of a healthy marriage. It’s not the defining factor, but it’s an important part of the way God created matrimony (Gen 2:24; 1 Cor 7:1-3). Men tend to have a stronger sex drive than women, so this qualifies as something you want to be aware of as a legitimate need and not just a senseless preoccupation. When you’re dating, obviously sex is off the table because of the way it’s designed to be something that a husband and wife can claim as something that’s exclusive to their relationship (Heb 13:4). But tenderness and affection is a special part of every romantic relationship and you want to make sure that dynamic is in place.
  • Respect – You see this in Ephesians 5:33. When you respect your husband, you are giving him the necessary confidence and courage he needs that oftentimes the world will deny him – especially when it comes to making those decisions that keep things in line with God’s Word.
  • Affirmation – Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” You will always be the one your husband wants to impress and please the most. Should everyone on the planet doubt his judgment, if he has you to help him stay true to his convictions by saying, “I know you can do it!” he becomes unstoppable. Speaking words of affirmation to your husband are a powerful manifestion of your love and respect for him.

You want to process these things as game changers. Again, going back to that aforementioned graphic, this is all done out of reverence for Christ. Given that as your underlying context, you draw closer to your man the more you obey Christ’s commands. That’s the signficance of the triangle and the all encompassing dynamic of submitting to one another.

So don’t settle for “base hits.” Put some points on the board every time you go to take a swing and by hitting a home run, you can know that the end result is a truly amazing relationship with the one you love!

More Than “Being Together”

You are in a season of life where Marriage is no longer a distant prospect. But Marriage is so much more than just “being together.”

When the “two become one flesh (Eph 5:31),” you are now operating in a way where, while you are two different people, you are now functioning as one person. Done right, your respective strengths come together in a way where the sum of the parts is greater thant the whole.

But that’s while “submitting to one another” is so important! Unless you have that dynamic in place in a manner that’s reinforced with the Power of the Holy Spirit, the natural inclination is to be selfish which leads to insecurity and unmet expectations…

…and it can be toxic.

You don’t want to settle for being merely “smart,” rather you want to be wise (Prov 9:10; Jas 1:5).

Don’t just “make it work,” make it sing by putting into practice those things endorsed by your Heavenly Father and enjoy all the benefits that go along with what He’s created and what He commands.

Make it sing!

Click here to read “Make It Sing | Part I“

Make it Sing | Part I

I’m not sure where I first heard the expression, “…runs like a song,” but perhaps I heard it from my Dad who worked a lot on engines. When a motor was running in a way that was smooth and seamless, he would use phrases like, “Purrs like a kitten,” or “It runs like a song.”

We’re going to piggy back on that phrase and use it to describe a relationshp between a man and a woman. What we’re going to be looking at applies to dating as well as a marriage because in the end, regardless of where you’re at, you want your relationship to “run like a song.”

Hopefully, I’ll be able to take those things your Mama and I have learned after having been single and now on the other side of almost 30 years of wedded bliss and package them in a way that will not only benefit you, but give you something that you can hand your kids when it’s their turn to date and choose between “making it work,” or “making it sing.”

So, How do You do It?

How do you position yourself and your sweetheart in a way where you keep your unmet expectations from morphing into ugly dealbreakers? How do you manage the various temptations you have to negotiatate in a way where you’re able to rise above all of what would otherwise inspire some unhealthy concessions?

While there’s any one of a number of practical “tips” you could potentially learn and deploy, the fundamental starting point for relationships and life in general is, and always will be, your relationship with Christ.

Here’s the Thing…

Too often, one’s spiritual disciplines tend to be subconsciously categorized as noble chores – things you do when you’re feeling especially “religious” or when you’re in a crisis situation.

You don’t want to do that.

Think about it:

Money

But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today. (Dt 8:18 [see also Josh 1:8; Prov 23:4-5])

Fitness

Listen, my son, and be wise, and set your heart on the right path: 20 Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, 21 for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags. (Prov 23:19-21 [see also Rom 12:1-2; 1 Cor 6:19-20)

Work

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom. (Ecc 9:10 [see also Eph 6:5-8])

There isn’t even the slightest nuance of the human experience that doesn’t stand to be dramatically improved by filtering it through your relationship with Christ.

And the same thing applies to relationships.

It’s not just being “moral.” That’s the shallow end of the pool (Heb 13:4; 1 Cor 6:18). Again, it’s not just making things “work,” you want them to “sing.”

So, what do you do?

Click here to access “Make It Sing | Part II!”

 

 

What vs Why

Years ago, a friend of mine captured what to me resonated as the best way to respond to a challenge.

You’re in a spot where circumstances have you looking at God and wondering…

…why?

And it’s often in the context of asking, “Why?” that you rush to relieve the pain and put in place those things that temper the restlessness that characterizes that particular moment.

Do Not be Anxious About Anything

You pray, you fast, you saturate your mind with Scripture – all for the sake of pushing back against the situation, resolving the issue and restoring a feeling of calm and confidence.

None of that is wrong. The Bible actually says:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Phil 4:6 [see also 2 Kings 20:5; 2 Cor 3:1-8])

But it’s here where my friend introduced a perspective that I hadn’t really considered before that, in many ways, brings to the table the whole of God’s Word and not just those verses that pertain to anxiety and pain.

Did I Miss Something?

Certainly you want to ask, “Why?” After all, perhaps there’s something that you missed that now has you “reaping what you have sown (Gal 6:7).”

It happens. You make mistakes, sometimes you even intentionally ignore the stops God puts in your path because, at the time, you were resolved to do whatever it is you had intended.

But there’s other times where you’re just caught off guard. You get blind sided by something you didn’t expect, or…

Maybe you feel as though you’re being compelled to wait on something that you know God could expedite just by saying the word (Lk 7:1-10). Or perhaps you’re ready to move forward and yet you can’t because of some things that “apparently” have to be done (.

It’s here where you don’t want to content yourself with merely asking “Why?” Rather, you want to include the question, “What?”

“What would you have me do?”

What Would You Have Me Do?

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (Jas 1:2-4 [see also Heb 5:13-14])

It’s not uncommon to read James 1:2-4 and process it as something that’s directed towards that situation where you’re being confronted with a major problem. Perhaps it’s a huge financial challenge, or maybe a health crisis.

But you don’t want to miss the way it starts by saying, “trials of many kinds.”

This isn’t just for the kind of challenge that’s prefaced by a major storm warning. This is anything that translates to any type of tension.

Patience is neither automatic nor intuitive. You see what you want, you recognize what you need and yet, you’re having to wait.

Wait for What?

Wait for what?

This is where it can get really frustrating. You feel like you’ve got all your “i’s” dotted and every “t” has been crossed. What’s being accomplished by being compelled to “wait?”

James provides the answer in the context of letting perseverance finish its work.

God doesn’t waste time (Ecc 3:1-8; Is 60:22; Rom 8:28). However you feel like you’re caught up in a never ending cycle of pointless activities, there is a Plan in place that’s going to include several seasons of training and education you’re going to need in order to fully engage this next chapter of your life.

Effective and Not Just Capable

The word for “mature” is teleios.” It can also be translated as “perfect.” The idea is that your heart and your brain are adequately prepped and positioned so you’re not just “capable,” but you’re truly effective.

And don’t kid yourself into thinking that being “capable” is enough. Going through the motions rarely equates to going through the process.

And here’s the thing…

When you embrace the idea that this waiting period is not just a dormant and foolish waste of time, but instead is a classroom and a gym where you’re being built up into a version of yourself that’s substantially better than what currrently stares back at you in the mirror every morning…

Now you’ve got a different attitude (Rom 12:10-2).

  • You’re not frustrated as much as you are interested.
  • You’re not indifferent, now you’re engaged.
  • You’re taking an inventory of who and what you are and letting God show you where there’s room for improvement and then letting Him make those changes in you.

Once you’re able to discern the purpose that characterizes this season you’re in, it’s an entirely different ballgame and you’re that much more inclined to let your Heavenly Father guide and grow the heart that you’ve now more fully handed over to Him.

It’s good stuff!

A High Point in My Professional Career

When I first reported to the Training Command I was assigned to after Boot Camp, I didn’t immediately see all of what was being accomplished and I initially considered attempting to expedite my training so I could get out to the Fleet and start doing my job.

But within a few weeks, I was able to, not only appreciate all that could be gained by fully immersing myself in the opportunites presented by the training that was being offered, but also realize just how much I needed to improve.

That school turned out to be a high point in my professional career and I often go back to that experience when I find myself having to “wait” on my King to move forward in the direction that I’m wanting to go.

I’m much better at asking “What? and not just “Why?” than I used to be because of the way I’ve been able to see over and over again that “waiting” isn’t always intended to be a stationary position. Sometimes, it’s the needed training program to prep you for that next adventure that’s going to require more of you than what you currently have.

If you’re not sure, ask (Jas 1:5).

But know this: All the days in your life were ordained before one of them came to be (Ps 139:16). This isn’t morning traffic where you can conclusively determine that you wouldn’t have to wait if you had taken a different path.

Maybe, maybe not.

God is in charge and that’s a good thing (Phil 2:13). Don’t just ask “Why? Be sure to also ask “What?”

Give Him the opportunity to show you how He wants you to use this time so you can take advantage of every “class” He’s offering so you can learn and become all that He created you to be.

Now you’re not just capable, you’re truly effective. Nor are you merely existing, now you’re genuinely living!

 

Bonus: Why You Want to be Spiritually Ripped