Make it Sing | Part IV

The Bible is Your Best Resource

Welcome to Part IV of “Make It Sing!”

Where in Part III we were in the “Men’s Department,” in Part IV we are in the “Ladies Section.”

If you’ve read Part I, you know we’re talking about relationships and how you don’t want to just “make it work,” rather, you want to “make it sing (2 Pet 1:3).”

The expression “Make it sing” is something I remember my Dad saying when he was referring to the way an engine was running smoothly. It would “purr like a kitten,” or “run like a song” – regardless of what phrase he was using, he was describing something that was working exactly the way it was designed.

Given the fact that God Himself is the Author of Humanity as well as Marriage, it only makes sense that you would want to apply whatever He recommends in order to enjoy all the benefits a healthy dating relationship and, ultimately, a great marriage.

So, if you’re wanting a great relationship with your sweetheart – if you want to “make it sing” – then the Bible is going to be your best Resource.

Like Part I, much of what you’re reading is based on what my bride and I have learned as having been single and now on the other side of almost 30 years of a great marriage. However practical or obvious the content you’re about to read may appear, it has as its basis the Word of God and that’s what makes it both effective and reliable.

All Things at All Times

Previously I mentioned how it can be tempting to gloss over Scripture as something that’s reserved for those times when you’re needing something Profound to help you negotiate an especially challenging circumstance or when you’re feeling especially “spiritual.”


2 Corinthians 9:8 says:

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. (2 Cor 9:8)

“All things at all times…”

There isn’t a single aspect of the human experience that doesn’t stand to be dramatically improved by bringing it into the Light of God’s Perspective (Jas 1:5). Rather than basing your approach on the limited resources represented by your best intentions, you can instead infuse your actions and your mindset with the Power of the Holy Spirit (Col 1:29) and the Mind of Christ (1 Cor 2:16).

You smell that?

That’s the aroma of excellence!


In Part I, I enumerated three things that a woman needs in order for a relationship to be successful. In this part, we’ll look at the three things a man needs in order for the relationship to be a success.

This list comes from the premarital counseling your mama and I received when we were getting ready to tie the knot. While it resonated as logical at the time, after almost three decades, its logic has been verified repeatedly, not just with experiential knowledge, but also by being able to trace its wisdom back to Scripture.

Before we get into the three things a man needs, however, let’s look at what it means for a woman to “submit” to her husband.

This is coming from the book, “Perception Changes,” which goes into some of this in more detail. But the bottom line is that to “submit” to your husband, you’re not cowering beneath his authority as much as it means you are organizing your resources in a way to help accomplish a mission.

First of all, the man has the responsibility to care for his wife to the point where he’s willing to lay down his life for her.

Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Eph 5:24)

Ultimately, this is more than just financial provision. He is to be a spiritual leader that provides a holistic existence that allows her to thrive in every way – and this is to be a priority to the point where he’s willing to sacrifice his own life in order to make it happen.

To do this correctly, however, he needs more than just some assistance because, in the end, he’s not merely providing for her as much as he’s fighting a host of spiritual authorities that would prevent and destroy a mutually beneficial environment devoid of all sinful concessions and influences (Eph 6:12).

Eve is described as a “suitable helper.” While the tendency might be to gloss over those words as a description of a friendly secretary, the Hebrew word for “helper” is “ezerl” – the same word used to describe God Himself in Deuteronomy 33:29.

“Suitable” is “kenegdo” which is actually three words that, when combined mean a “similar opposite.” In other words, she is his equal that labors alongside him when he is acting honorably. On the other hand, when he is in error, she is facing him and functions as an agent of correction.

“Submitting” to this paradigm becomes both logical and advantageous in the way it facilitates a healthy relationship with God and one another. Moreover, it creates the ideal environment where sons and daughters can now grow without the distraction of sinful tensions that affect their total well-being.

And it should be noted that “submission” in this context is not the surrender of one’s personality or dreams in exchange for a life characterized by “duty” and “responsibility.” First of all, regardless of one’s gender, we’re all invited to participate in a holy existence that reeks of fulfillment and excellence (Eph 5:21; Col 3:17). Secondly, the Greek word for “submission” that’s being used here is a military term that refers to the organizing of one’s forces for the purpose of accomplishing a specific mission (see “Hupotasso” in the Greek by clicking here). In this instance, it’s about forming up your spiritual military for the purpose of ensuing that God’s Purposes are being accomplished in your spouse.

You see this illustrated in the diagram below:

Remember, Jesus was born of a woman. One of Israel’s first Judges was Deborah and the first person that the risen Christ appeared to was…

…a woman (Jn 20:14-16).

Too often, the female gender is regulated to a subserviant role. Even during the time of Christ, a woman’s legal testimony had no value. But that’s not what’s being promoted or even suggested in this context.  “Submission” is not so much resigning yourself to the authority of your husband, as much as it’s supporting him and his responsibility to protect and provide (see Part I) by organizing your spiritual resources in a way that combats those things that have the capacity to undermine his efforts.


So, how do you “submit” in the proper biblical context? Or how do you “make it sing?”

Three Homers

  • Physical Touch – physical intimacy is part of a healthy marriage. It’s not the defining factor, but it’s an important part of the way God created matrimony (Gen 2:24; 1 Cor 7:1-3). Men tend to have a stronger sex drive than women, so this qualifies as something you want to be aware of as a legitimate need and not just a senseless preoccupation. When you’re dating, obviously sex is off the table because of the way it’s designed to be something that a husband and wife can claim as something that’s exclusive to their relationship (Heb 13:4). But tenderness and affection is a special part of every romantic relationship and you want to make sure that dynamic is in place.
  • Respect – You see this in Ephesians 5:33. When you respect your husband, you are giving him the necessary confidence and courage he needs that oftentimes the world will deny him – especially when it comes to making those decisions that keep things in line with God’s Word.
  • Affirmation – Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” You will always be the one your husband wants to impress and please the most. Should everyone on the planet doubt his judgment, if he has you to help him stay true to his convictions by saying, “I know you can do it!” he becomes unstoppable. Speaking words of affirmation to your husband are a powerful manifestion of your love and respect for him.

You want to process these things as game changers. Again, going back to that aforementioned graphic, this is all done out of reverence for Christ. Given that as your underlying context, you draw closer to your man the more you obey Christ’s commands. That’s the signficance of the triangle and the all encompassing dynamic of submitting to one another.

So don’t settle for “base hits.” Put some points on the board every time you go to take a swing and by hitting a home run, you can know that the end result is a truly amazing relationship with the one you love!

More Than “Being Together”

You are in a season of life where Marriage is no longer a distant prospect. But Marriage is so much more than just “being together.”

When the “two become one flesh (Eph 5:31),” you are now operating in a way where, while you are two different people, you are now functioning as one person. Done right, your respective strengths come together in a way where the sum of the parts is greater thant the whole.

But that’s while “submitting to one another” is so important! Unless you have that dynamic in place in a manner that’s reinforced with the Power of the Holy Spirit, the natural inclination is to be selfish which leads to insecurity and unmet expectations…

…and it can be toxic.

You don’t want to settle for being merely “smart,” rather you want to be wise (Prov 9:10; Jas 1:5).

Don’t just “make it work,” make it sing by putting into practice those things endorsed by your Heavenly Father and enjoy all the benefits that go along with what He’s created and what He commands.

Make it sing!

Click here to read “Make It Sing | Part I

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