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Make It Sing | Part III

Welcome to “Make it Sing | Part III!”

In Part I we looked at how applying God’s take on any given issue is going to translate to the best possible outcome regardless of what the situation or issue may be. Using the illustration of the way an engine is sometimes described as “running like a song,” we want our relationship to not just “work,” we want it to “sing.”

In Part II, we looked at the nuts and bolts of reading God’s Word and how you don’t want to process it as a “noble chore,” but as something that’s done to ensure that you’re operating from a Position of Strength in everything you say, think and do.

In Part III, we’re going to look at the three things a woman needs in order for your relationship with her to truly “sing!”

Three Homeruns

Numbers tend to be symbolic. In Scripture, the both the number 7 and the number 3 represent “wholeness.”

You see it in Nature (height, width, depth), you see it in human beings (body, mind and spirit) and you even see it in God Himself (Father, Son and Holy Spirit).

A woman needs three things to feel comfortable in a relationship:

  • Trust – it’s not just being faithful to her as much as it’s being faithful to your King (1 Sam 16:7). When your heart’s right with God, she can trust you in the way you’re going to treat her and subordinate your will to her welfare “…out of reference for Christ (Eph 5:21).”
  • Communication – she needs you to talk to her. Being “strong and silent” is appropriate sometimes, but she needs to know what’s on your mind and how you’re feeling. You also want to make sure that you’re building her up and letting her know that she’s your one great love (Prov 25:11; Eph 5:18-20; 1 Thess 5:11).
  • Security – women are wired for security.  You can see that in their “motherly instincts,” as far as being committed to the protection of their children. Females are genetically weaker than their male counterparts. Women, therefore, are looking to lessen the feeling of vulnerability that’s triggered by the presence of any kind of “threat,” be it a financial shortcoming, an emotional void or physical harm (Ruth 3:9). While there is no lasting sense of security or significance provided by any kind of human agency, men (husbands) are nevertheless commanded to protect and provide for their wives and their families (Gen 2:15; Eph 5:25; 2 Thess 3:10; 1 Tim 5:8).

At first glance, you can look at these things and not feel like they’re especially challenging. But you want to ensure that each of these qualify as legitimate homeruns and not just base hits.

Think of it this way…

The woman you claim to love is not just your girlfriend, she’s her father’s daughter and she is her Savior’s creation. You don’t honor their commitment and the sacrifice they made for the sake of her wellbeing by allowing yourself to be content with any kind of compromise that can damage her in any way.

Even the “appearance” of evil is specified in Scripture as something you want to avoid:

Abstain from all appearance of evil. (1 Thess 5:22)

This isn’t just about the way things are, this applies as well to the way things appear – specifically the reputation of God and the ones you care about:

  • God’s Reputation (Matt 5:16; 1 Thess 2:12; Phil 1:27)
  • Her Reputation (Eph 5:33; 1 Pet 3:7)
  • Your Reputation (Prov 22:1; 1 Pet 2:15; 3:16)

Remember, “reputation” is not based not only on what people see, but what they’re led to believe. Granted, you can take that to an unhealthy extreme, but being sensitive to appearances compels you to expand your field of vision to include those things that can corrupt a relationship, yet go unnoticed apart from a wise appreciation for the corrosive effect of compromise (1 Cor 10:23-24; 1 Pet 5:8). Now you’re putting some points on the board and not just putting a man on base!

Something Changes

You ever notice how when you introduce the name of “Jesus” into a casual conversation, the whole mood of the room changes?

There’s something about that Name that effects even the very air you breathe – at least it feels that way.

I’ve always processed that “shift” in the way the tone of an environment changes when you speak the Name of Christ as indicative of His Reality.

You can say “God” or “Christ” and not perceive a noticable change, but say “Jesus” and it’s like you’ve opened the door of a dark room and the light now streaming in makes people have to adjust the eyes of their heart and mind.

Something changes…

Finding a wife is a good thing (Prov 31:10). You don’t want to gloss over the practical wisdom that’s coming from the One Who invented Humanity and Marriage to begin with. The verses and wisdom you see documented here in this essay aren’t just good little “cooking tips.” Rather, they represent a portion of the template that God Himself put in place and there’s no better Strategy for securing a successful relationship or living your best life than applying what God has to say about whatever it is you’re wanting to do.

Something changes when you love someone using the Perspective and the Power of the Holy Spirit (1 Thess 3:11. You’re no longer depending on the limited resources of your best intentions. Now you’ve got the True Muscle and the Perfect Knowledge of your Redeemer inspiring your thoughts and animating your actions.

Don’t just “make it work…”

Make it sing!

Click here to read “Make It Sing | Part IV”

Make It Sing | Part II

This is Part II of “Make It Sing,” a series about how to make your relationship with your sweetheart all that God designed it to be.

When an engine is running perfectly, you’ll hear it described as something that’s “running like a song.” We’re using that illustration to emphasize how you don’t want your relationship to merely “work,” rather you want it to “sing!”

In Part I we looked on how every aspect of the human experience stands to be significantly improved by applying whatever God has to say about it, given the fact that He’s the Author of everything to begin with (Col 1:16).

In Part II, we’re examining how to actually make that happen.

Get It Done

Everything that we contend with in life can be boiled down to a spiritual contest (Eph 6:12). Anger, disappointment, frustration, jealousy, fear, anxiety…Those are all emotional reactions to a spiritual tension.

Ephesians 6:12 says:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Eph 6:12)

You see where this is going?

You don’t read your Bible just to be able to defend your faith or be better prepared to smile and help when you want to scowl and fight.

Moral Courage

“Holiness,” from a purely practical standpoint, is doing the right thing at the right time in the right way for all the right reasons. It’s not just being “wise” or “moral,” it’s a perfect combination of the two.

That’s part of what makes God Who He is. (1 Sam 2:2; Is 48:17; Rev 4:8) and that’s the status we want to target in everything we say, think and do (Lev 11:44; Ps 19:14; Matt 5:48; 1 Pet 1:15-16). Not because we’re looking to simply be “nice,” but because we’re looking to secure the best possible outcome in every situation that we encounter.

And while the benefits are obvious, it nevertheless takes courage because much of the world is wired for compromise and what’s right and best is often exchanged for what’s easy and weak (Matt 7:24-27).

You want to be able to approach every aspect of your life from a Position of Strength (Is 41:10; Phil 4:13).

  • You don’t want to base your present disposition on just what’s apparent, you want to make sure it’s founded on what’s True (Rom 8:28; Phil 2:13)
  • You don’t want to just be “moral,” you want to be morally courageous (Ps 1:1-3; Phil 4:8 [see sidebar])
  • You don’t want to just be prosperous, you want to be both successful and prosperous (Josh 1:8; Prov 10:22; Matt 6:33)

You stay on top of your spiritual game in order to ensure that everything in your life is moving along briskly in the right direction, including your relationship with your sweetheart (Ps 19:7-9; 2 Cor 9:8)!

The Men’s Department

For Men, it looks like this:

Your job is to eliminate anything that gets in the way of your darlin’ girl’s relationship with Christ.

Again, this isn’t being overly “spiritual.” Her best life and the happiest relationship the two of you can enjoy is going to be facilitated by focusing on the foundation which everything in life is built upon.

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. (Heb 11:1-2 [The Message])

When you apply that Reality to relationships, you want to look at what it says in Ephesians.

Ephesians 5:25 says:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Eph 5:25)

If you refer to that graphic below, you’ll see that as the two of you grow closer to Christ, you inevitably grow closer together. And you’re not just “bonding” the way two people who are attracted to might gravitate to one another, you’re connecting at a level that’s deeply personal and goes beyond even the most transparent conversation.

That’s what happens when you pray together (Matt 18:20). When you’re both lining up the way you think about each other and life in general with the Truth of God’s Word, you’re not just “on the same page,” you’re completely in sync with each where the most important issues are concerned.

Click here to read “Make It Sing | Part III!”

Make it Sing | Part I

I’m not sure where I first heard the expression, “…runs like a song,” but perhaps I heard it from my Dad who worked a lot on engines. When a motor was running in a way that was smooth and seamless, he would use phrases like, “Purrs like a kitten,” or “It runs like a song.”

We’re going to piggy back on that phrase and use it to describe a relationshp between a man and a woman. What we’re going to be looking at applies to dating as well as a marriage because in the end, regardless of where you’re at, you want your relationship to “run like a song.”

Hopefully, I’ll be able to take those things your Mama and I have learned after having been single and now on the other side of almost 30 years of wedded bliss and package them in a way that will not only benefit you, but give you something that you can hand your kids when it’s their turn to date and choose between “making it work,” or “making it sing.”

So, How do You do It?

How do you position yourself and your sweetheart in a way where you keep your unmet expectations from morphing into ugly dealbreakers? How do you manage the various temptations you have to negotiatate in a way where you’re able to rise above all of what would otherwise inspire some unhealthy concessions?

While there’s any one of a number of practical “tips” you could potentially learn and deploy, the fundamental starting point for relationships and life in general is, and always will be, your relationship with Christ.

Here’s the Thing…

Too often, one’s spiritual disciplines tend to be subconsciously categorized as noble chores – things you do when you’re feeling especially “religious” or when you’re in a crisis situation.

You don’t want to do that.

Think about it:

Money

But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today. (Dt 8:18 [see also Josh 1:8; Prov 23:4-5])

Fitness

Listen, my son, and be wise, and set your heart on the right path: 20 Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, 21 for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags. (Prov 23:19-21 [see also Rom 12:1-2; 1 Cor 6:19-20)

Work

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom. (Ecc 9:10 [see also Eph 6:5-8])

There isn’t even the slightest nuance of the human experience that doesn’t stand to be dramatically improved by filtering it through your relationship with Christ.

And the same thing applies to relationships.

It’s not just being “moral.” That’s the shallow end of the pool (Heb 13:4; 1 Cor 6:18). Again, it’s not just making things “work,” you want them to “sing.”

So, what do you do?

Click here to access “Make It Sing | Part II!”