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Make It Sing | Part III

Welcome to “Make it Sing | Part III!”

In Part I we looked at how applying God’s take on any given issue is going to translate to the best possible outcome regardless of what the situation or issue may be. Using the illustration of the way an engine is sometimes described as “running like a song,” we want our relationship to not just “work,” we want it to “sing.”

In Part II, we looked at the nuts and bolts of reading God’s Word and how you don’t want to process it as a “noble chore,” but as something that’s done to ensure that you’re operating from a Position of Strength in everything you say, think and do.

In Part III, we’re going to look at the three things a woman needs in order for your relationship with her to truly “sing!”

Three Homeruns

Numbers tend to be symbolic. In Scripture, the both the number 7 and the number 3 represent “wholeness.”

You see it in Nature (height, width, depth), you see it in human beings (body, mind and spirit) and you even see it in God Himself (Father, Son and Holy Spirit).

A woman needs three things to feel comfortable in a relationship:

  • Trust – it’s not just being faithful to her as much as it’s being faithful to your King (1 Sam 16:7). When your heart’s right with God, she can trust you in the way you’re going to treat her and subordinate your will to her welfare “…out of reference for Christ (Eph 5:21).”
  • Communication – she needs you to talk to her. Being “strong and silent” is appropriate sometimes, but she needs to know what’s on your mind and how you’re feeling. You also want to make sure that you’re building her up and letting her know that she’s your one great love (Prov 25:11; Eph 5:18-20; 1 Thess 5:11).
  • Security – women are wired for security.  You can see that in their “motherly instincts,” as far as being committed to the protection of their children. Females are genetically weaker than their male counterparts. Women, therefore, are looking to lessen the feeling of vulnerability that’s triggered by the presence of any kind of “threat,” be it a financial shortcoming, an emotional void or physical harm (Ruth 3:9). While there is no lasting sense of security or significance provided by any kind of human agency, men (husbands) are nevertheless commanded to protect and provide for their wives and their families (Gen 2:15; Eph 5:25; 2 Thess 3:10; 1 Tim 5:8).

At first glance, you can look at these things and not feel like they’re especially challenging. But you want to ensure that each of these qualify as legitimate homeruns and not just base hits.

Think of it this way…

The woman you claim to love is not just your girlfriend, she’s her father’s daughter and she is her Savior’s creation. You don’t honor their commitment and the sacrifice they made for the sake of her wellbeing by allowing yourself to be content with any kind of compromise that can damage her in any way.

Even the “appearance” of evil is specified in Scripture as something you want to avoid:

Abstain from all appearance of evil. (1 Thess 5:22)

This isn’t just about the way things are, this applies as well to the way things appear – specifically the reputation of God and the ones you care about:

  • God’s Reputation (Matt 5:16; 1 Thess 2:12; Phil 1:27)
  • Her Reputation (Eph 5:33; 1 Pet 3:7)
  • Your Reputation (Prov 22:1; 1 Pet 2:15; 3:16)

Remember, “reputation” is not based not only on what people see, but what they’re led to believe. Granted, you can take that to an unhealthy extreme, but being sensitive to appearances compels you to expand your field of vision to include those things that can corrupt a relationship, yet go unnoticed apart from a wise appreciation for the corrosive effect of compromise (1 Cor 10:23-24; 1 Pet 5:8). Now you’re putting some points on the board and not just putting a man on base!

Something Changes

You ever notice how when you introduce the name of “Jesus” into a casual conversation, the whole mood of the room changes?

There’s something about that Name that effects even the very air you breathe – at least it feels that way.

I’ve always processed that “shift” in the way the tone of an environment changes when you speak the Name of Christ as indicative of His Reality.

You can say “God” or “Christ” and not perceive a noticable change, but say “Jesus” and it’s like you’ve opened the door of a dark room and the light now streaming in makes people have to adjust the eyes of their heart and mind.

Something changes…

Finding a wife is a good thing (Prov 31:10). You don’t want to gloss over the practical wisdom that’s coming from the One Who invented Humanity and Marriage to begin with. The verses and wisdom you see documented here in this essay aren’t just good little “cooking tips.” Rather, they represent a portion of the template that God Himself put in place and there’s no better Strategy for securing a successful relationship or living your best life than applying what God has to say about whatever it is you’re wanting to do.

Something changes when you love someone using the Perspective and the Power of the Holy Spirit (1 Thess 3:11. You’re no longer depending on the limited resources of your best intentions. Now you’ve got the True Muscle and the Perfect Knowledge of your Redeemer inspiring your thoughts and animating your actions.

Don’t just “make it work…”

Make it sing!

Click here to read “Make It Sing | Part IV”

Make It Sing | Part II

This is Part II of “Make It Sing,” a series about how to make your relationship with your sweetheart all that God designed it to be.

When an engine is running perfectly, you’ll hear it described as something that’s “running like a song.” We’re using that illustration to emphasize how you don’t want your relationship to merely “work,” rather you want it to “sing!”

In Part I we looked on how every aspect of the human experience stands to be significantly improved by applying whatever God has to say about it, given the fact that He’s the Author of everything to begin with (Col 1:16).

In Part II, we’re examining how to actually make that happen.

Get It Done

Everything that we contend with in life can be boiled down to a spiritual contest (Eph 6:12). Anger, disappointment, frustration, jealousy, fear, anxiety…Those are all emotional reactions to a spiritual tension.

Ephesians 6:12 says:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Eph 6:12)

You see where this is going?

You don’t read your Bible just to be able to defend your faith or be better prepared to smile and help when you want to scowl and fight.

Moral Courage

“Holiness,” from a purely practical standpoint, is doing the right thing at the right time in the right way for all the right reasons. It’s not just being “wise” or “moral,” it’s a perfect combination of the two.

That’s part of what makes God Who He is. (1 Sam 2:2; Is 48:17; Rev 4:8) and that’s the status we want to target in everything we say, think and do (Lev 11:44; Ps 19:14; Matt 5:48; 1 Pet 1:15-16). Not because we’re looking to simply be “nice,” but because we’re looking to secure the best possible outcome in every situation that we encounter.

And while the benefits are obvious, it nevertheless takes courage because much of the world is wired for compromise and what’s right and best is often exchanged for what’s easy and weak (Matt 7:24-27).

You want to be able to approach every aspect of your life from a Position of Strength (Is 41:10; Phil 4:13).

  • You don’t want to base your present disposition on just what’s apparent, you want to make sure it’s founded on what’s True (Rom 8:28; Phil 2:13)
  • You don’t want to just be “moral,” you want to be morally courageous (Ps 1:1-3; Phil 4:8 [see sidebar])
  • You don’t want to just be prosperous, you want to be both successful and prosperous (Josh 1:8; Prov 10:22; Matt 6:33)

You stay on top of your spiritual game in order to ensure that everything in your life is moving along briskly in the right direction, including your relationship with your sweetheart (Ps 19:7-9; 2 Cor 9:8)!

The Men’s Department

For Men, it looks like this:

Your job is to eliminate anything that gets in the way of your darlin’ girl’s relationship with Christ.

Again, this isn’t being overly “spiritual.” Her best life and the happiest relationship the two of you can enjoy is going to be facilitated by focusing on the foundation which everything in life is built upon.

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. (Heb 11:1-2 [The Message])

When you apply that Reality to relationships, you want to look at what it says in Ephesians.

Ephesians 5:25 says:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Eph 5:25)

If you refer to that graphic below, you’ll see that as the two of you grow closer to Christ, you inevitably grow closer together. And you’re not just “bonding” the way two people who are attracted to might gravitate to one another, you’re connecting at a level that’s deeply personal and goes beyond even the most transparent conversation.

That’s what happens when you pray together (Matt 18:20). When you’re both lining up the way you think about each other and life in general with the Truth of God’s Word, you’re not just “on the same page,” you’re completely in sync with each where the most important issues are concerned.

Click here to read “Make It Sing | Part III!”

Make it Sing | Part IV

The Bible is Your Best Resource

Welcome to Part IV of “Make It Sing!”

Where in Part III we were in the “Men’s Department,” in Part IV we are in the “Ladies Section.”

If you’ve read Part I, you know we’re talking about relationships and how you don’t want to just “make it work,” rather, you want to “make it sing (2 Pet 1:3).”

The expression “Make it sing” is something I remember my Dad saying when he was referring to the way an engine was running smoothly. It would “purr like a kitten,” or “run like a song” – regardless of what phrase he was using, he was describing something that was working exactly the way it was designed.

Given the fact that God Himself is the Author of Humanity as well as Marriage, it only makes sense that you would want to apply whatever He recommends in order to enjoy all the benefits a healthy dating relationship and, ultimately, a great marriage.

So, if you’re wanting a great relationship with your sweetheart – if you want to “make it sing” – then the Bible is going to be your best Resource.

Like Part I, much of what you’re reading is based on what my bride and I have learned as having been single and now on the other side of almost 30 years of a great marriage. However practical or obvious the content you’re about to read may appear, it has as its basis the Word of God and that’s what makes it both effective and reliable.

All Things at All Times

Previously I mentioned how it can be tempting to gloss over Scripture as something that’s reserved for those times when you’re needing something Profound to help you negotiate an especially challenging circumstance or when you’re feeling especially “spiritual.”

No.

2 Corinthians 9:8 says:

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. (2 Cor 9:8)

“All things at all times…”

There isn’t a single aspect of the human experience that doesn’t stand to be dramatically improved by bringing it into the Light of God’s Perspective (Jas 1:5). Rather than basing your approach on the limited resources represented by your best intentions, you can instead infuse your actions and your mindset with the Power of the Holy Spirit (Col 1:29) and the Mind of Christ (1 Cor 2:16).

You smell that?

That’s the aroma of excellence!

Submission…

In Part I, I enumerated three things that a woman needs in order for a relationship to be successful. In this part, we’ll look at the three things a man needs in order for the relationship to be a success.

This list comes from the premarital counseling your mama and I received when we were getting ready to tie the knot. While it resonated as logical at the time, after almost three decades, its logic has been verified repeatedly, not just with experiential knowledge, but also by being able to trace its wisdom back to Scripture.

Before we get into the three things a man needs, however, let’s look at what it means for a woman to “submit” to her husband.

This is coming from the book, “Perception Changes,” which goes into some of this in more detail. But the bottom line is that to “submit” to your husband, you’re not cowering beneath his authority as much as it means you are organizing your resources in a way to help accomplish a mission.

First of all, the man has the responsibility to care for his wife to the point where he’s willing to lay down his life for her.

Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Eph 5:24)

Ultimately, this is more than just financial provision. He is to be a spiritual leader that provides a holistic existence that allows her to thrive in every way – and this is to be a priority to the point where he’s willing to sacrifice his own life in order to make it happen.

To do this correctly, however, he needs more than just some assistance because, in the end, he’s not merely providing for her as much as he’s fighting a host of spiritual authorities that would prevent and destroy a mutually beneficial environment devoid of all sinful concessions and influences (Eph 6:12).

Eve is described as a “suitable helper.” While the tendency might be to gloss over those words as a description of a friendly secretary, the Hebrew word for “helper” is “ezerl” – the same word used to describe God Himself in Deuteronomy 33:29.

“Suitable” is “kenegdo” which is actually three words that, when combined mean a “similar opposite.” In other words, she is his equal that labors alongside him when he is acting honorably. On the other hand, when he is in error, she is facing him and functions as an agent of correction.

“Submitting” to this paradigm becomes both logical and advantageous in the way it facilitates a healthy relationship with God and one another. Moreover, it creates the ideal environment where sons and daughters can now grow without the distraction of sinful tensions that affect their total well-being.

And it should be noted that “submission” in this context is not the surrender of one’s personality or dreams in exchange for a life characterized by “duty” and “responsibility.” First of all, regardless of one’s gender, we’re all invited to participate in a holy existence that reeks of fulfillment and excellence (Eph 5:21; Col 3:17). Secondly, the Greek word for “submission” that’s being used here is a military term that refers to the organizing of one’s forces for the purpose of accomplishing a specific mission (see “Hupotasso” in the Greek by clicking here). In this instance, it’s about forming up your spiritual military for the purpose of ensuing that God’s Purposes are being accomplished in your spouse.

You see this illustrated in the diagram below:

Remember, Jesus was born of a woman. One of Israel’s first Judges was Deborah and the first person that the risen Christ appeared to was…

…a woman (Jn 20:14-16).

Too often, the female gender is regulated to a subserviant role. Even during the time of Christ, a woman’s legal testimony had no value. But that’s not what’s being promoted or even suggested in this context.  “Submission” is not so much resigning yourself to the authority of your husband, as much as it’s supporting him and his responsibility to protect and provide (see Part I) by organizing your spiritual resources in a way that combats those things that have the capacity to undermine his efforts.

 

So, how do you “submit” in the proper biblical context? Or how do you “make it sing?”

Three Homers

  • Physical Touch – physical intimacy is part of a healthy marriage. It’s not the defining factor, but it’s an important part of the way God created matrimony (Gen 2:24; 1 Cor 7:1-3). Men tend to have a stronger sex drive than women, so this qualifies as something you want to be aware of as a legitimate need and not just a senseless preoccupation. When you’re dating, obviously sex is off the table because of the way it’s designed to be something that a husband and wife can claim as something that’s exclusive to their relationship (Heb 13:4). But tenderness and affection is a special part of every romantic relationship and you want to make sure that dynamic is in place.
  • Respect – You see this in Ephesians 5:33. When you respect your husband, you are giving him the necessary confidence and courage he needs that oftentimes the world will deny him – especially when it comes to making those decisions that keep things in line with God’s Word.
  • Affirmation – Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” You will always be the one your husband wants to impress and please the most. Should everyone on the planet doubt his judgment, if he has you to help him stay true to his convictions by saying, “I know you can do it!” he becomes unstoppable. Speaking words of affirmation to your husband are a powerful manifestion of your love and respect for him.

You want to process these things as game changers. Again, going back to that aforementioned graphic, this is all done out of reverence for Christ. Given that as your underlying context, you draw closer to your man the more you obey Christ’s commands. That’s the signficance of the triangle and the all encompassing dynamic of submitting to one another.

So don’t settle for “base hits.” Put some points on the board every time you go to take a swing and by hitting a home run, you can know that the end result is a truly amazing relationship with the one you love!

More Than “Being Together”

You are in a season of life where Marriage is no longer a distant prospect. But Marriage is so much more than just “being together.”

When the “two become one flesh (Eph 5:31),” you are now operating in a way where, while you are two different people, you are now functioning as one person. Done right, your respective strengths come together in a way where the sum of the parts is greater thant the whole.

But that’s while “submitting to one another” is so important! Unless you have that dynamic in place in a manner that’s reinforced with the Power of the Holy Spirit, the natural inclination is to be selfish which leads to insecurity and unmet expectations…

…and it can be toxic.

You don’t want to settle for being merely “smart,” rather you want to be wise (Prov 9:10; Jas 1:5).

Don’t just “make it work,” make it sing by putting into practice those things endorsed by your Heavenly Father and enjoy all the benefits that go along with what He’s created and what He commands.

Make it sing!

Click here to read “Make It Sing | Part I“